“Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them.”
We pray for the mountain to be moved and cast into the sea. And then God answers our prayers and the mountain is cast into the sea. That’s earth-shaking change. It affects everyone! We were probably huddled in the bathtub praying for safety while the earthquake was happening. The bigger the change – even when it’s positive change – the bigger the shaking.
I’ve been through a lot of change in the last two years. It’s all been positive change, because I started moving more and more into my purpose and calling. I started writing this blog and I moved into leadership in my local Celebrate Recovery. Both of those paths involved major shifts from who I used to be to who I was becoming.
Along the way, the stress of the changes exposed a foundational weakness and pushed my coping skills to their limits. I tripped and fell a few times and was forced to take several breaks to recover.
I can’t complain, because I’ve known all along I was moving forward in God’s Will for my life. (Well, I can complain, but I try not to.) I knew much of the pain was part of the growth process and I just needed to keep going.
How do I keep going?
God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.
Living with bipolar disorder, I’ve been through many mental and emotional earthquakes over the years. And they rarely had anything to do with moving forward in God’s Will; they were just symptoms of a mental illness that caused chaos in my brain. So, I was used to dropping everything and holding on until the shaking stopped. The difference this time was what I held onto.
Your word, Lord, is eternal;
it stands firm in the heavens.
Your faithfulness continues through all generations;
you established the earth, and it endures.
I started believing that God was bigger than the bipolar disorder and that He had the power to help me change.
He had already brought me back from the edge of suicide and calmed me down from a life of chaos through doctors and medication. When I started focusing on His Word, I started having hope that He could do even more in my life, if I followed His instructions.
And He did. I went from years of just surviving to finally being able to think about what my purpose and calling might be. Praise God!
When the Lord restored the fortunes of Zion,
we were like those who dreamed.
Our mouths were filled with laughter,
our tongues with songs of joy.
Then it was said among the nations,
“The Lord has done great things for them.”
I enjoyed this new life of peace and joy for about a year and a half before He started moving me into the next phase. And that’s when the positive growth and change started stretching me beyond what was comfortable.
As the ground shifted, new pockets of insecurity were exposed in my soul. I found myself overwhelmed with fear which, unfortunately, was often expressed through anger and defensiveness. I needed to remind myself of the source of my worth.
II Corinthians 5:21
God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.
The pressure of the growth and change forced me to read and study God’s Word even more. I knew it was the only solid foundation that wouldn’t fail me.
“Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away.”
All those blog posts about finding peace and hope were God showing me what I needed to see. He just allowed me to share it with my readers so that they could also be blessed by the power of His Word.
My path is still changing. God has shown me some more things He wants me to do, but I don’t yet know how to do them without dropping what He’s already assigned. I certainly know that I can’t do His Will in my own strength. But I’m still learning what doing these tasks in His strength looks like.
In the meantime, because I don’t want to push too hard and lose my footing, I’ve stepped back and am only posting on this blog every other week. I fully expect to eventually gain the strength to get back to posting here every week.
Until then, I’m holding onto His Word and trusting that He will accomplish His Will through me in spite of my weakness.
being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
Thank you for your patience as I continue to walk this journey.
How have you clung to God’s Word in times of positive change? Which scriptures have helped you the most through the shaking?
Photo credit: Myriams-Fotos