You have searched me, Lord,
and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
you, Lord, know it completely.
God knows me. He knows when I spend all day sitting on the couch because I can’t handle the world. He knows when I make myself get up and go to work anyway. And He understands why.
He knows the thoughts that swirl in my head, so he knows why I end up saying what I say. He knows when my intentions are good but my words don’t measure up. He knows the process I’ve gone through that ends with the words, “I can’t do this anymore.”
You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
My Father God is holding me in His arms, surrounding me with His love and strength, and keeping me from falling apart. He has covered me with His blanket of peace to smother the fires that threaten to explode in me.
I don’t even understand how He can do all this – why He would do all this. But I’m grateful that He does, because I need it so desperately.
Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
My diseased mind can’t take me anywhere He can’t help me. If I soar to the heights of mania, He is there. If I sink to the depths of depression, He is there. If I fly through the air in delusions or settle in a place of self-harm, He is there with me. There’s no such thing as “too far” from Him.
He holds my hand and walks me through the fear and worry. He’s right beside me in the land of “What if” and “Oh no.” I don’t face these fears alone.
If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
The hell of the darkness inside me is nothing new to Him. He already went to hell for me when He died on the cross for my sins. And hell couldn’t hold Him. He rose from the dead and ascended to heaven, forever breaking the power of death and hell.
So when the darkness overwhelms me and I have no strength to fight it, He is right there beside me reminding me that I don’t have to fight it because He already defeated it. I don’t have to find a way to light my path, because He is the light and He is the path.
There is no darkness He can’t overcome. And He has chosen to walk with me and overcome the darkness in me. I can rest in Him and trust that His light has won.
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
I have to admit; I have struggled with these verses. If I’m fearfully and wonderfully made, how does that explain being born with genetic mutations and an irregular brain?
He showed me that His design did not include disease. He created me with perfectly ordered genes and hormones and gifts and talents, and then I was born into a fallen world and the design was corrupted. But the good news is, He didn’t leave me broken.
He provided the way for me to be born over again, restored back to His original design. It started in my spirit when I received Jesus as my Savior, but then He taught me to how to renew my mind and offer my body as a sacrifice.
He saw how my days were supposed to go, and then He saw how they actually went. And when I made Him Lord of my life, He started leading me back to the days He originally laid out for me.
It didn’t matter how long I was on the wrong path, He never forgot His plan for me and He was always right beside me, waiting for me to take His hand and let Him lead me back.
How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.
God’s thoughts are not diseased. His thoughts don’t lead to pain and harm. And He has made His thoughts available to me in His Word.
How precious it is to me when I can fill my mind with His thoughts. There’s no end to the hope and peace available to me; and all I have to do is read.
And He’s always there. Others leave, but He never will. I may wake up one day and someone I love and need is gone. But He’s still with me. His thoughts are still there, helping me to deal with the loss of the other. His thoughts don’t condemn me for feeling the loss; He feels the loss with me and holds me through the pain.
If only you, God, would slay the wicked!
Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!
They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
Do I not hate those who hate you, Lord,
and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?
I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
He listens to me complain about the people who hurt me. He doesn’t stop holding my brokenness, even when I’m spewing hate towards the ones who broke me. He lets me yell and scream and cry until I’ve finally gotten it out of my system. Then He continues holding me when I come to Him for forgiveness and healing.
He knows who I am. He knows who He created me to be. And even my own hate and sin can’t push Him away from me.
Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
He has proven His will is to love me and help me. This allows me to ask Him for help.
How has God helped you when you knew He didn’t have to?